“La bise”: a guide of France’s unique social ritual

Written by Elena, on Italiani Pocket, November 29th 2010.
Translated by Michael Mottola. See the original article in Italian
Article also translated in:

Ah, the French and their strange ways that we must learn. Ah, the unique habits of those people who live on the other side of the Alps (even though to them, we Italians are the people on the other side of the Alps… it’s all relative!).

Today we are going to talk about la bise, a strange world that must absolutely be understood (together with many other things) so as not to commit an awful gaffe that we would deeply regret later!

First of all, let’s do a linguistic summary (refer to the post Linguistic curiosities and untranslatable expressions where you can find many ideas).

Bise: faire la —, to give a little kiss; se faire la —, kiss each other on the cheeks; (fig.) to reconcile; allez, on se fait la —?, are we going to make up?

…which should under no circumstances be confused with baiser (refer to the post on expressions).

The bise is one of those essential situations in which you need to know how to act if you want to fit in here, and I assure you that it is not an easy thing to learn… but let’s talk about it in practical terms.

As soon as I landed in Paris, a young and inexperienced student who barely spoke any real French (which is completely different from the French you learn in school!), I found myself at school in the midst of 15 native French students. I was the only foreigner there, and I introduced myself to everyone.

Like any good Italian, I stretched out my hand with a smile expecting a handshake when introducing myself, but instead people avoided my hand and menacingly approached my face and laid two kisses on both of my cheeks and said “enchanté!”.

I was dumbfounded when everyone else started to do the same thing, and I realized that no one shakes hands here (especially if you are a woman)!

Initially, I took a little bit of time to get used to this ritual, and I fearlessly continued to outstretch my hand in search of an introductory handshake, and received frightened, shocked, and even disgusted looks because this method of greeting can be looked down upon.

Slowly but surely I got used to this custom, my desire to shake hands and maintain a buffer zone ceased, and I succumbed to the bise… which… let me be honest… I kind of hate. When I lived in Italy I was also against the “bacetto” (little kiss).

Why do I hate la bise? 1. If I don’t know you, if it’s the first time I’ve seen you in my life, the idea of coming that close to your face doesn’t really entice me… unless you’re really good looking! ;-p 2. When you meet a big group of people you waste at least 10 minutes because everyone has to kiss everyone else and you have to do the same thing when you’re leaving each other! You find yourself in the most absurd situations where everyone is in line to kiss each other on the cheek… even if there are 15 people!

Watch out if you are shy because you might find yourself surrounded by Parisians that you don’t know and who will all want to give you a kiss!

A few rules to orient yourself in the universe of “la bise” (in Paris, because if you travel 3km away, customs and practices change)

- Man to man meeting for the first time = handshake – Man to woman meeting for the first time = bise – Woman to woman meeting for the first time = bise – Man to man who have a close relationship (relative, friend, etc…) = bise or handshake – Woman to woman with an existing relationship (relative, friend, etc…) = bise – Man to woman who know each other (relative, friend, etc…) = bise

Editor’s note:
Here is an online map to show you the number of kisses that are the norm in different parts of France!